Gay is In

I was watching Bravo's latest, The Real Housewives of New York, the other night. To remark, it's okay...not as good as the Californian women, I guess, but still okay. Let's face it: if it's on Bravo, I watch it no matter how crappy it is. It's like Bravo exhumes some sort of gay perfume through the airwaves. None of us can resist! (This may be, in part, because of the inordinate amount of gay people that grace Bravo TV).

Something bothered me though. It actually bothered me a lot; sort of crawled under my skin and stayed there. Which is funny, because it's not like anything I haven't heard before. I don't remember which episode...I think it was the second...but Jill, one of the housewives they follow, is shopping for a dress. Cut to Jill's little taped monologue, and she says something along the lines of: "I need my gay, there." Then cue back to the room where her gay, some New York designer-obsessed monstrosity of a homosexual, starts ordering her around telling her what to wear and how to wear it.

What got under my skin was that phrase: "my gay". Like it was a possession. Now, I know to rich white women in New York pretty much everything is a possession, but I've heard this before in less high circles. "My gay". "My gay went shopping with me." "My gay picked out some great clothes." "My gay decorated my apartment, it looks fabulous!" You get the drift.

Are fashionable gay men the latest craze among heterosexual women. What's in this season? Gucci handbags, black and white dresses, and gay shopping buddies.

The notion was popularized by such TV shows as "Will & Grace" and "Sex & the City", where gay men were seen helping heterosexual women in their quests for material and sexual happiness. Which, to be fair, I don't recall the phrase "my gay" every really being used on the show. The gay men portrayed on those shows and the heterosexual women were just friends, and sure they may shop together but it was strictly because they were friends before.

I think what women want now is some Jack/Stan clone to follow them around and tell them how fabulous they look and how they can look even better. Which is derogatory. It's just plain derogatory. I don't care that the gay men don't seem bothered by it or that the women insist they're friends with their gay shoppers. It's derogatory to be spoken about in terms of possession.

What I think is going on here is a social exchange. In exchange for a gay, someone to shop with and pamper with, these heterosexual woman promote, in part, the homosexual lifestyle. They give security to men whose stability within social circles is often severely lacking, to say the least. They open doors to higher strata of a society that still, as a whole, has not considered the homosexual its friend.

In exchange, they get to use the phrase "my gay".

Whose more to blame? These women or the gays who let them do it? I'm here to tell you, if any of my friends referred to me as "my gay", I would correct them then and there. Not snap at them, or go off on a tangent of equal rights. Just calmly take them aside and explain that I don't appreciate that term, because it devalues my existence as a legitimate person. Yes, it sounds way too heavy. They'd probably say: "don't be so serious". But let's see what they say if I take them to a gay bar and introduce them as "my heterosexual" repeatedly.

Sorry for the vent, but I felt it needed to be said. Respect comes before acceptance.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Celebrity Candy: My Latest Obsession

Watch Skins if you can. You can usually find the latest episodes on YouTube before they have to take them down due to copyright infringements. It's just your classic teenage angst drama crap, and I love every minute of it. Plus, they're British. Which makes everything they say hilarious to my American ears.

Oh, and this guy. Mitch Hewer. A-mazing. I mean, just amazing. He plays the openly gay character Maxxie on the show. He is not. Oh, Mitchie...if wishes were gay men, then you'd be mine.

The Return of the Spy

So I definitely haven't posted in a while, and that should definitely change.

Recap:

Still in college, still in The Red Stick, still in the closet to my family, still out and about with my friends, still a anthropology/sociology double major, still working out the kinks on my grand "Gay Theory"...

The theme of this recap? 'Still'

However, I do have a few new things to report: I'm sorta dating a boy, I kinda like him but he's not my physical type, but let's see what happens! Been dressing snazzier, getting some looks from guys, feeling all around better :)

So, all in all, not too shabby for your spy. Right now, I may not feel like I'm on top of the world, but I definitely feel like I can take anything that comes my way. Bring it on. And by that, I mean: bring on the new posts!!!

Mehdi Kazemi's petition for asylum is being reconsidered by the UK, after a high court in the Netherlands denied him the same treatment. This is the second time the UK has considered his proposal; they have already denied him asylum once. What's all the fuss for? Mehdi Kazemi is from Iran and is a homosexual. Under Iranian law, if he returns to his country he will be executed. His lover has already been hanged for crimes of sodomy, and named names under interrogation (obviously, his).

Returning to Iran is not possible for Mehdi. He will be killed. There has been too much media attention for him to return and be 'discreet', as the UK's government suggests. Sending him back is equivocal to a death sentence.

Let's keep Mehdi in our thoughts and prayers.

The Closet Case

First off, sorry for the sporadic updates. I've made it one of my short-term goals to post more regularly...at the same time, I've also got a couple of ideas to spruce up the blog a bit and get some more people on that Google radar thing. But today, my topic of choice is something very near and dear to me: the closet case.

There's a boy in my student organization, who is so obviously gay it kills me. I know that we shouldn't stereotype, but the evidence against him is nigh insurmountable. He loves to dance to rap and "booty" music, he oils his hair back, he talks with a feminine-esque voice, and he hasn't had a relationship or hookup with any girl in the past three years (as long as I've known him). I just want to wrap him in a rainbow flag and throw him in the nearest gay bar.

At first, his closeted nature simply attracted my attention. At the time, though, I was still coming out of the closet myself; so, I was worrying about other matters than my fellow spies. After I came out, he became a running joke with my friends and I. Obviously, not the kindest path to take but, hey, who's perfect? Lately though, he makes me feel frustrated. Frustrated, because it's so obvious, and so many people joke about it, that it almost feels at times that he's making a fool of himself and maybe the gay population as a whole.

Undoubtedly, I should be more sympathetic, more understanding of his position (if he is indeed gay and in the closet). After all, for all I know he just might be in the utility room and I'm just not a close enough friend. He may very well be straight (ha, right). Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that I should treat him better, maybe even approach him in some manner, as a fellow gay man. Offer him therapy.

Therapy? Yes, therapy. When we say the phrase "closest case", it's not a stretch to link it to psychology. Consider the phrase, "head case" or "basket case". Is being in the closet a detrimental, psychological disorder or fault? Is it something that needs to be corrected?

I would say, yes. And before you get your Calvin Klein underwear in a twist, think about the harm that can come from staying in the closet your entire life. You marry, have children, and begin experimenting with men. You realize, too late, that you made a mistake and as a result people's lives are ruined. Yes, the example is extreme, but it happens. It's not even that unheard of. It's important to say here that I don't think these people are wrong for coming out...they just could have saved a lot of heartache if they had come out sooner. The same way a clinically depressed person can save his or herself a lot of pain by seeing a therapist and taking medication regularly. Just think about all the inner turmoil that can be circumvented, by being honest with oneself. And if that takes a little therapeutic coaxing, so be it.

I don't know if one day the phrase "closet case" will make itself into the DMV, but for now, I'll try to do my part, and maybe ask Mr. Closet Case a couple of choice questions. Or, maybe I'll leave well enough alone, but at the very least stop making jokes at his expense. After all, you never leave a man behind.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Bet Your Bottom Dollar....

There's a stigma that men like me must overcome. And no, it's not being gay. In fact, this stigma comes, in part, from the gay community itself. It's the stigma of being a bottom.

I was with a group of my close friends talking about sex when the subject came up. Actually, it wasn't too long after I came out, so there seemed to be some general curiosity about my experience and preferences. "So Spy, you like to be in charge, right? Wink wink, nudge nudge." "Actually, I'm a bottom."

Then you get it: the reconsidering glances and outright stares. A bottom? No, couldn't be. It seems that to many in the Republic (and the Nation Of Queeria, I might add) being gay is just dandy. Having sex is great. Anal sex is OK, as long as you're giving it. But if you're on the receiving end, it becomes something of a no-no. The stigma here is that you're the bitch. Let's face it; I love being gay, but anal sex is pretty rough. I mean, it's our only option, true, but imagine taking something as thick as a beer can inside an opening smaller than your pinkie...it's tough.

So it follows that people wonder what kind of people would like being bottoms. In doing so, they draw up a kind of psychological model of the bottom, an attention-craving, subservient, feminine creature. Obviously, I'm going to the extreme end of the pool with my adjectives, but it still seems like people think along these lines.

I'm a bottom. I'm proud to say that. I like my man to pay attention to me, to want to be inside of me. But it isn't just about anal sex. I want someone to take care of me, to wrap their arms around me at night. Yes, I'm a bottom. But we can't all be tops. It's too much work.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

One Step Closer to My Vote

I admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Senator Obama. Maybe it's just the ears, but something puts me off about the guy. Still, ever since Giuliani dropped out he's gotten a little bit closer to getting my vote (I'm sure he's waiting on edge). This is the newest development on his stance with the GLBT population and he gets a big thumbs up from me. Read it after the jump.

I’m running for President to build an America that lives up to our founding promise of equality for all – a promise that extends to our gay brothers and sisters. It’s wrong to have millions of Americans living as second-class citizens in this nation. And I ask for your support in this election so that together we can bring about real change for all LGBT Americans. Equality is a moral imperative. That’s why throughout my career, I have fought to eliminate discrimination against LGBTAmericans. In Illinois, I co-sponsored a fully inclusive bill that prohibited discrimination on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity, extending protection to the workplace, housing, and places of public accommodation.

In the U.S. Senate, I have co-sponsored bills that would equalize tax treatment for same-sex couples and provide benefits to domestic partners of federal employees. And as president, I will place the weight of my administration behind the enactment of the Matthew Shepard Act to outlaw hate crimes and a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act to outlaw workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage.

Unlike Senator Clinton, I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate. While some say we should repeal only part of the law, I believe we should get rid of that statute altogether. Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does. I have also called for us to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and I have worked to improve the Uniting American Families Act so we can afford same-sex couples the same rights and obligations as married couples in our immigration system. The next president must also address the HIV/AIDS epidemic. When it comes to prevention, we do not have to choose between values and science. While abstinence education should be part of any strategy, we also need to use common sense. We should have age-appropriate sex education that includes information about contraception. We should pass the JUSTICE Act to combat infection within our prison population. And we should lift the federal ban on needle exchange, which could dramatically reduce rates of infection among drug users. In addition, local governments can protect public health by distributing contraceptives.

We also need a president who’s willing to confront the stigma – too often tied to homophobia – that continues to surround HIV/AIDS. I confronted this stigma directly in a speech to evangelicals at Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, and will continue to speak out as president. That is where I stand on the major issues of the day. But having the right positions on the issues is only half the battle. The other half is to win broad support for those positions. And winning broad support will require stepping outside our comfort zone. If we want to repeal DOMA, repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and implement fully inclusive laws outlawing hate crimes and discrimination in the workplace, we need to bring the message of LGBT equality to skeptical audiences as well as friendly ones – and that’s what I’ve done throughout my career. I brought this message of inclusiveness to all of America in my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic convention.

I talked about the need to fight homophobia when I announced my candidacy for President, and I have been talking about LGBT equality to a number of groups during this campaign – from local LGBT activists to rural farmers to parishioners at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, where Dr. Martin Luther King once preached. Just as important, I have been listening to what all Americans have to say. I will never compromise on my commitment to equal rights for all LGBTAmericans. But neither will I close my ears to the voices of those who still need to be convinced. That is the work we must do to move forward together. It is difficult. It is challenging. And it is necessary. Americans are yearning for leadership that can empower us to reach for what we know is possible. I believe that we can achieve the goal of full equality for the millions of LGBT people in this country. To do that, we need leadership that can appeal to the best parts of the human spirit. Join with me, and I will provide that leadership. Together, we will achieve real equality for all Americans, gay and straight alike.