I was watching Bravo's latest, The Real Housewives of New York, the other night. To remark, it's okay...not as good as the Californian women, I guess, but still okay. Let's face it: if it's on Bravo, I watch it no matter how crappy it is. It's like Bravo exhumes some sort of gay perfume through the airwaves. None of us can resist! (This may be, in part, because of the inordinate amount of gay people that grace Bravo TV).
Something bothered me though. It actually bothered me a lot; sort of crawled under my skin and stayed there. Which is funny, because it's not like anything I haven't heard before. I don't remember which episode...I think it was the second...but Jill, one of the housewives they follow, is shopping for a dress. Cut to Jill's little taped monologue, and she says something along the lines of: "I need my gay, there." Then cue back to the room where her gay, some New York designer-obsessed monstrosity of a homosexual, starts ordering her around telling her what to wear and how to wear it.
What got under my skin was that phrase: "my gay". Like it was a possession. Now, I know to rich white women in New York pretty much everything is a possession, but I've heard this before in less high circles. "My gay". "My gay went shopping with me." "My gay picked out some great clothes." "My gay decorated my apartment, it looks fabulous!" You get the drift.
Are fashionable gay men the latest craze among heterosexual women. What's in this season? Gucci handbags, black and white dresses, and gay shopping buddies.
The notion was popularized by such TV shows as "Will & Grace" and "Sex & the City", where gay men were seen helping heterosexual women in their quests for material and sexual happiness. Which, to be fair, I don't recall the phrase "my gay" every really being used on the show. The gay men portrayed on those shows and the heterosexual women were just friends, and sure they may shop together but it was strictly because they were friends before.
I think what women want now is some Jack/Stan clone to follow them around and tell them how fabulous they look and how they can look even better. Which is derogatory. It's just plain derogatory. I don't care that the gay men don't seem bothered by it or that the women insist they're friends with their gay shoppers. It's derogatory to be spoken about in terms of possession.
What I think is going on here is a social exchange. In exchange for a gay, someone to shop with and pamper with, these heterosexual woman promote, in part, the homosexual lifestyle. They give security to men whose stability within social circles is often severely lacking, to say the least. They open doors to higher strata of a society that still, as a whole, has not considered the homosexual its friend.
In exchange, they get to use the phrase "my gay".
Whose more to blame? These women or the gays who let them do it? I'm here to tell you, if any of my friends referred to me as "my gay", I would correct them then and there. Not snap at them, or go off on a tangent of equal rights. Just calmly take them aside and explain that I don't appreciate that term, because it devalues my existence as a legitimate person. Yes, it sounds way too heavy. They'd probably say: "don't be so serious". But let's see what they say if I take them to a gay bar and introduce them as "my heterosexual" repeatedly.
Sorry for the vent, but I felt it needed to be said. Respect comes before acceptance.
Sincerely,
Your Spy
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Celebrity Candy: My Latest Obsession
Watch Skins if you can. You can usually find the latest episodes on YouTube before they have to take them down due to copyright infringements. It's just your classic teenage angst drama crap, and I love every minute of it. Plus, they're British. Which makes everything they say hilarious to my American ears.
Oh, and this guy. Mitch Hewer. A-mazing. I mean, just amazing. He plays the openly gay character Maxxie on the show. He is not. Oh, Mitchie...if wishes were gay men, then you'd be mine.
The Return of the Spy
So I definitely haven't posted in a while, and that should definitely change.
Recap:
Still in college, still in The Red Stick, still in the closet to my family, still out and about with my friends, still a anthropology/sociology double major, still working out the kinks on my grand "Gay Theory"...
The theme of this recap? 'Still'
However, I do have a few new things to report: I'm sorta dating a boy, I kinda like him but he's not my physical type, but let's see what happens! Been dressing snazzier, getting some looks from guys, feeling all around better :)
So, all in all, not too shabby for your spy. Right now, I may not feel like I'm on top of the world, but I definitely feel like I can take anything that comes my way. Bring it on. And by that, I mean: bring on the new posts!!!
Recap:
Still in college, still in The Red Stick, still in the closet to my family, still out and about with my friends, still a anthropology/sociology double major, still working out the kinks on my grand "Gay Theory"...
The theme of this recap? 'Still'
However, I do have a few new things to report: I'm sorta dating a boy, I kinda like him but he's not my physical type, but let's see what happens! Been dressing snazzier, getting some looks from guys, feeling all around better :)
So, all in all, not too shabby for your spy. Right now, I may not feel like I'm on top of the world, but I definitely feel like I can take anything that comes my way. Bring it on. And by that, I mean: bring on the new posts!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Mehdi Kazemi's petition for asylum is being reconsidered by the UK, after a high court in the Netherlands denied him the same treatment. This is the second time the UK has considered his proposal; they have already denied him asylum once. What's all the fuss for? Mehdi Kazemi is from Iran and is a homosexual. Under Iranian law, if he returns to his country he will be executed. His lover has already been hanged for crimes of sodomy, and named names under interrogation (obviously, his).
Returning to Iran is not possible for Mehdi. He will be killed. There has been too much media attention for him to return and be 'discreet', as the UK's government suggests. Sending him back is equivocal to a death sentence.
Let's keep Mehdi in our thoughts and prayers.
Returning to Iran is not possible for Mehdi. He will be killed. There has been too much media attention for him to return and be 'discreet', as the UK's government suggests. Sending him back is equivocal to a death sentence.
Let's keep Mehdi in our thoughts and prayers.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Closet Case
First off, sorry for the sporadic updates. I've made it one of my short-term goals to post more regularly...at the same time, I've also got a couple of ideas to spruce up the blog a bit and get some more people on that Google radar thing. But today, my topic of choice is something very near and dear to me: the closet case.
There's a boy in my student organization, who is so obviously gay it kills me. I know that we shouldn't stereotype, but the evidence against him is nigh insurmountable. He loves to dance to rap and "booty" music, he oils his hair back, he talks with a feminine-esque voice, and he hasn't had a relationship or hookup with any girl in the past three years (as long as I've known him). I just want to wrap him in a rainbow flag and throw him in the nearest gay bar.
At first, his closeted nature simply attracted my attention. At the time, though, I was still coming out of the closet myself; so, I was worrying about other matters than my fellow spies. After I came out, he became a running joke with my friends and I. Obviously, not the kindest path to take but, hey, who's perfect? Lately though, he makes me feel frustrated. Frustrated, because it's so obvious, and so many people joke about it, that it almost feels at times that he's making a fool of himself and maybe the gay population as a whole.
Undoubtedly, I should be more sympathetic, more understanding of his position (if he is indeed gay and in the closet). After all, for all I know he just might be in the utility room and I'm just not a close enough friend. He may very well be straight (ha, right). Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that I should treat him better, maybe even approach him in some manner, as a fellow gay man. Offer him therapy.
Therapy? Yes, therapy. When we say the phrase "closest case", it's not a stretch to link it to psychology. Consider the phrase, "head case" or "basket case". Is being in the closet a detrimental, psychological disorder or fault? Is it something that needs to be corrected?
I would say, yes. And before you get your Calvin Klein underwear in a twist, think about the harm that can come from staying in the closet your entire life. You marry, have children, and begin experimenting with men. You realize, too late, that you made a mistake and as a result people's lives are ruined. Yes, the example is extreme, but it happens. It's not even that unheard of. It's important to say here that I don't think these people are wrong for coming out...they just could have saved a lot of heartache if they had come out sooner. The same way a clinically depressed person can save his or herself a lot of pain by seeing a therapist and taking medication regularly. Just think about all the inner turmoil that can be circumvented, by being honest with oneself. And if that takes a little therapeutic coaxing, so be it.
I don't know if one day the phrase "closet case" will make itself into the DMV, but for now, I'll try to do my part, and maybe ask Mr. Closet Case a couple of choice questions. Or, maybe I'll leave well enough alone, but at the very least stop making jokes at his expense. After all, you never leave a man behind.
Sincerely,
Your Spy
There's a boy in my student organization, who is so obviously gay it kills me. I know that we shouldn't stereotype, but the evidence against him is nigh insurmountable. He loves to dance to rap and "booty" music, he oils his hair back, he talks with a feminine-esque voice, and he hasn't had a relationship or hookup with any girl in the past three years (as long as I've known him). I just want to wrap him in a rainbow flag and throw him in the nearest gay bar.
At first, his closeted nature simply attracted my attention. At the time, though, I was still coming out of the closet myself; so, I was worrying about other matters than my fellow spies. After I came out, he became a running joke with my friends and I. Obviously, not the kindest path to take but, hey, who's perfect? Lately though, he makes me feel frustrated. Frustrated, because it's so obvious, and so many people joke about it, that it almost feels at times that he's making a fool of himself and maybe the gay population as a whole.
Undoubtedly, I should be more sympathetic, more understanding of his position (if he is indeed gay and in the closet). After all, for all I know he just might be in the utility room and I'm just not a close enough friend. He may very well be straight (ha, right). Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that I should treat him better, maybe even approach him in some manner, as a fellow gay man. Offer him therapy.
Therapy? Yes, therapy. When we say the phrase "closest case", it's not a stretch to link it to psychology. Consider the phrase, "head case" or "basket case". Is being in the closet a detrimental, psychological disorder or fault? Is it something that needs to be corrected?
I would say, yes. And before you get your Calvin Klein underwear in a twist, think about the harm that can come from staying in the closet your entire life. You marry, have children, and begin experimenting with men. You realize, too late, that you made a mistake and as a result people's lives are ruined. Yes, the example is extreme, but it happens. It's not even that unheard of. It's important to say here that I don't think these people are wrong for coming out...they just could have saved a lot of heartache if they had come out sooner. The same way a clinically depressed person can save his or herself a lot of pain by seeing a therapist and taking medication regularly. Just think about all the inner turmoil that can be circumvented, by being honest with oneself. And if that takes a little therapeutic coaxing, so be it.
I don't know if one day the phrase "closet case" will make itself into the DMV, but for now, I'll try to do my part, and maybe ask Mr. Closet Case a couple of choice questions. Or, maybe I'll leave well enough alone, but at the very least stop making jokes at his expense. After all, you never leave a man behind.
Sincerely,
Your Spy
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