Time: 22:16
Location: The Red Stick
It seems to me like New Year's Eve--and, by extension, New Year's Day--is a very straight holiday all because of the concept of New Yea'rs resolutions. Gay people, especially gay men, don't really need a holiday to committ to something new or different; they do that every day. Whether it's through their wardrobe, home decorations, or even a silly thing like a blog, they always find some exotic way to fluff their life. They always try to exercise and stay fit, due to the overly shallow nature of men in general. Most New Year's resolutions seem obsolete for the gay man, and so, he is indifferent to New Year's Eve/Day, besides another occasion to flaunt and preen.
Tonight, my friends and I will celebrate the "holiday" indoors. We invited a small group of friends who remained in the city through the winter break to share in our festivities. I have two roomates, both girls, named Ashley and Amanda: Ashley is the girl who loves pink, Amanda is the physics major. I believe that that simple statement should serve to underlie basic personality traits. They are the salt and pepper to my steak of life. Ashley, the pepper, brings something new and different to my life on an almost daily level; Amanda, the salt, is my oldest best friend, and brings out the taste just by being there. Tonight, the three of us will celebrate with friends the coming of the New Year.
What I have noticed, however, as a spy in the Republic is the odd way that the straights treat their holidays. Most holidays, to the Republic's perspective, are more tedious than festive, more emotionally-draining than fun. Valentine's Day is the first to come to mind; I have noted that many do no even acknowledge this day anymore. New Year's Eve is beginning to be approached with a similar attitude: the dreaded New Year's kiss has them hiding in their homes. Christmas follows; while children may love Santa, most couples seem to find all the shopping and planning and forced family fun-ness to drain their souls. Easter is just another day they are forced to share with extended family; Halloween only brings the fear of egging and teepeeing to manicured yards. Only the Fourth of July, Labor Day Weekend, and maybe Thanksgiving are still seen as holidays that exist for the explicit purpose of enjoying one's self. Note, however, that alcohol and external circumstances (summer days for the former two, football for the latter) are largely responsible for this enjoyment.
It is also interesting to note that the Nation of Queeria is picking up these discarded holidays (think especially of Halloween) to satisfy its citizens. We seem to view each as another great makeover waiting to happen...all it needs is a little glitter and frazzle. I wonder how long it will take before the gay neighborhoods, bars, and clubs redo New Year's. Although members of the Republic may laugh, these holiday makeovers are not just hobbies to our people; they are a form of cultural warfare, further placing us within public perspective. He who rules the holidays influences, at the least, those who celebrate it.
So, tonight we celebrate a New Year. And while spies like me watch, citizens of Queeria await the coming of a cultural revolution, that may very well start with a man like Anderson Cooper covering Times Square during New Year's Eve. One very gay step at a time....
Sincerely,
Your Spy
Monday, December 31, 2007
The Party System
The Republic of Heterosexuality is a curious thing. It is a state of constant turmoil, due to the push-and-pull nature of its two parties: Men and Women. These two parties can never seem to agree on anything, whether it's dinner etiquette or wardrobe. As such, The Republic's state is one of constant chaos, where skirmishes and battles are waged in daily warfare. In contrast, Queeria is subdivided into several parties, the two main being Gays and Lesbians, and of course, the various others (such as Trannies, Inters, and None-of-the-Aboves). While minor skirmishes between the groups are possible, they remain isolated incidents...for the most part, the parties of Queeria keep to themselves while acknowledging one another in social settings such as gay clubs or political functions.
The problem with this peaceful seperation, of course, is that ironically the people of Queeria suffer from a lack of communication with one another. Sure, the Men and the Women of the Republic may be constantly at each other's throats, but that also means that they remain in contact with one another. They enjoy a kind of openess with one another and with other members of their party. Gays, Lesbians, and the like, however, seem to suffer from their isolation, remaining in their small, personal groups. It brings to mind the quesiton of how united our nation really is: a peaceful coexistence or a self-defeating hallucination? For now, I'll stay in the Republic, relaying information back. The question is: what will be done with it?
The problem with this peaceful seperation, of course, is that ironically the people of Queeria suffer from a lack of communication with one another. Sure, the Men and the Women of the Republic may be constantly at each other's throats, but that also means that they remain in contact with one another. They enjoy a kind of openess with one another and with other members of their party. Gays, Lesbians, and the like, however, seem to suffer from their isolation, remaining in their small, personal groups. It brings to mind the quesiton of how united our nation really is: a peaceful coexistence or a self-defeating hallucination? For now, I'll stay in the Republic, relaying information back. The question is: what will be done with it?
Friday, December 28, 2007
What It Means To Be A Bad Spy....
"What you need to do is write a letter addressed to your younger self. That will help you deal with these unresolved issues."
My therapist, Mrs. Freud, was usually filled with good advice, but this one had me biting at the reins. Why write a letter to younger self? I didn't even know how to find my younger self...it had always traveled incognito.
At this point, I should be telling you my name, introducing myself. But then I wouldn't be much of a spy, would I?
I can tell you that I am a 21 year old gay man, who lives ina little place called Baton Rouge, Louisiana aka The Red Stick. But for 20 years, I was a man in enemy territory. I was a spy in a country I like to call the Republic of Heterosexuality. It was almost a year ago that I came out of the closet and immigrated to the Nation of Queeria, a land filled with gays, lesbians, and those lovable transsexuals.
But I still have to act the spy. I haven't come out to my parents, yet, or to my home community. Of course, the home community thing probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. I grew up in a place that I'll just call The Sticks. A backwoods, rural community where the word 'gay' was only heard from highschool jocks making fun of others and each other or the bare snipets you would catch on Will & Grace before the parents would change the channel and wonder out loud what TV was coming to.
The problem was, I was never a good spy. Even now, I'm pretty sure my parent's suspect that I'm gay. Apparently, as reported by my best friends, I was never good at hiding it. From obvious peeks in the boys' locker room to an overwhelming interest in Broadway musicals and Kathy Griffin, I have been acting gay as long as I can remember. Just took me a little while to find out.
This blog is dedicated to that younger me, in the hopes of resolving issues I apparently have. But fear, not, for this blog is also committed to being my observations of the Straight World, a world in constant turmoil and in whose company I participate all too often. I am your insider; I just hope I'm not as bad as they say...
Sincerely,
Your Spy
My therapist, Mrs. Freud, was usually filled with good advice, but this one had me biting at the reins. Why write a letter to younger self? I didn't even know how to find my younger self...it had always traveled incognito.
At this point, I should be telling you my name, introducing myself. But then I wouldn't be much of a spy, would I?
I can tell you that I am a 21 year old gay man, who lives ina little place called Baton Rouge, Louisiana aka The Red Stick. But for 20 years, I was a man in enemy territory. I was a spy in a country I like to call the Republic of Heterosexuality. It was almost a year ago that I came out of the closet and immigrated to the Nation of Queeria, a land filled with gays, lesbians, and those lovable transsexuals.
But I still have to act the spy. I haven't come out to my parents, yet, or to my home community. Of course, the home community thing probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. I grew up in a place that I'll just call The Sticks. A backwoods, rural community where the word 'gay' was only heard from highschool jocks making fun of others and each other or the bare snipets you would catch on Will & Grace before the parents would change the channel and wonder out loud what TV was coming to.
The problem was, I was never a good spy. Even now, I'm pretty sure my parent's suspect that I'm gay. Apparently, as reported by my best friends, I was never good at hiding it. From obvious peeks in the boys' locker room to an overwhelming interest in Broadway musicals and Kathy Griffin, I have been acting gay as long as I can remember. Just took me a little while to find out.
This blog is dedicated to that younger me, in the hopes of resolving issues I apparently have. But fear, not, for this blog is also committed to being my observations of the Straight World, a world in constant turmoil and in whose company I participate all too often. I am your insider; I just hope I'm not as bad as they say...
Sincerely,
Your Spy