Rating Rating Porn

So I was cruising the usual blog suspects, reading news articles about Zac Efron and trying to find a high-def version of the Star Trek teaser trailer, when I spotted a little snippet from one of my fave blogs complaining about the latest video from a popular gay porn website. It's one of those sites that feature "straight men" biting the pillow and allowing other men to put penises in their bums for some sum of money. I have a little trouble believing that, but we'll get to that later.

Point is, he was complaining that the model who had bottomed in the video was a bad actor. I use the term actor; he didn't, but he was describing the poor facial expressions and lack of, shall we say, spirit in the same way the Roger Ebert does in his reviews of movies.

I suppose it isn't hard to appreciate the irony here: I'm ranting about another guy ranting about porn. But I've noticed a steady increase in the practice of rating and reviewing pornography. It isn't hard to see that this new trend comes from the Internet itself and the ability to blog to your heart's content about what matters to you. And what matters to a lot of men? Sex, of course. Masturbation. The freedom of a man's penis.

My only problem is, rating pornography seems a little over the top. I remember my theatre professor saying that watching and enjoying any kind of theatre (or for that matter, any kind of entertainment) requires the willing suspension of disbelief. Your penis does not willing suspend its disbelief. Why need suspension when the concept of belief doesn't even exist in that pretty little pink helmet it wears? I guess I see the penis as a ravenous dog that is never satisfied; it will take any boner, er, bone that is thrown at it. Does it care if it's a cut of USDA choice meat? No. Because, in the end, your penis will have its way. So download whatever is closest and feed the beast, because you may not get another chance in the next 24 hours. So What are you waiting for? Step to it!

Sincerely,
Your Spy

The AIM Game

Dave and I are at it again.

By "it", I mean the harmless chit-chat on America Online's Instant Messenger, more commonly known as AIM. Light banter, small jokes, a little smiley now and then. Nothing too serious. Which, of course, is the problem.

AIM is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it's the least intrusive way to communicate. A simple "hey" can be responded to at the other chatter's discretion. A screen name can even be blocked, if the instigator becomes annoying enough. It's pretty consequence-free, with small room for embarrassment. On the other hand, it's impersonal. Most importantly, you can't pick up inflection. Is he inviting me to watch movies with him and his friends of his own volition? Or does he feel pressured? Did he pick up a pity-me tone? Am I being paranoid? (the answer to that is always yes; but, in my defense, all spies are conditioned to be paranoid as a safety precaution).

So, nothing comes out of it. Unfortunately, I always end up telling myself that it's just harmless chit-chat. But now, writing this, I don't think it is. It just keeps giving me hope that one day he and I will hook-up. Which, in turn, makes me feel mildly to severely pathetic. Which starts a whole cycle of self-analysis and cross-examination that would make even the bravest psychologist twitch.

For now, I'll keep playing, hoping to come out a winner.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

There Are No Words.........

Rick Rollin it......the 80's should come back, just for a day or two.

Fun Things To Do

If you're stuck in the apartment with friends, if it's raining outside, and if you happen to have a copy of Hairspray (as any good gay man should), you may find this drinking game particularly fun. Here are the rules: you drink...

1) Every time someone says "Baltimore" (including the opening number)
2) Every time someone says "Corny Collins"
3) Every time someone says "Tracy Turnblat"
4) Whenever Zac Efron winks
5) To toast Queen Latifah after her number "Come So Far..."
6) When a particular word of your choice is mentioned in every song; for example, 'Mamma' in "Welcome to the '60s" or 'stop' in "You Can't Stop the Beat"

Like I said, if you find yourself stuck in the apartment, that's no excuse not to get schwasted and have fun, right? Right.

The Magician's Flourish

I read Perezhilton.com. I admit it. But the wonderful thing is, once I came out to my friends, that sort of behavior was acceptable. Critiquing my female friends' clothing? Not only acceptable, but desired. Watching romantic comedies? Dishing out gossip? Wearing tight pants? Putting gel in my hair? All acceptable for the gay man. Being gay gives you a great amount of freedom if you think about it. The full range of sexuality is available. For example, you can wear pink and talk with a lisp and know all the names of famous Russian ballerinas. Or, you can wear leather on a daily basis, ride motorcycles, and have enough chest hair to put a grizzly bear to shame. You can be whatever you want, because you're gay! Most of society rejects you, so why not do whatever the hell you want?

All it takes is the magic words: "I'm gay.". Then, with a swish of a cape and a puff of smoke: bam! Where once there stood a timid, awkward young man now stands an outlandish, in-your-face, we're-queer-and-we're-here gay man. The transition is something from a Las Vegas show. All you need to complete the picture is a chorus line and sequenced outfits. Which a lot of gay men have.

Would that everyone was so entertained by magic acts. But I've noticed that a lot of people don't like change. Is that why coming out is often met with such resistance? Do people resent the fact that where once stood a person they knew and loved, now there is someone different? And all within the space of two words. Most people like security and comfort; the fact that people can change so suddenly threatens their worldview. If a son or brother or friend can change so quickly, what else can go?

They want to know the secret behind the magic trick. But here's the thing: it's all smoke-and-mirrors. It's the same person on the stage, just with a little different lighting. Or maybe it's even deeper than that. Maybe what they resent is that the person before was the illusion, a trick, a deceit on their minds. This person now, he's the real deal. No more magic. Maybe it's not that people dislike the show. Maybe they just don't like it when the show ends.

Sincerely,

Your Spy

Update

So apparently the CDC reads my blog. They must have been the Big Number Twelve. Ha

Click http://http//www.cdc.gov/od/oc/media/pressrel/2008/t080116.htm to read their official statement.

P.S. I love how they have initials for us. MSM. Men who've had sex with men. Obviously, they have to to cover everybody, but still, it's a little too close to S&M for my taste. Guess I'm just weird like that.

Here We Go Again...

You may have seen this picture or something similar recently. This, as I understand it, is a photo of the new staph strain that appears to be completely drug-resistant. Many articles have been appearing on the net, but so far I haven't seen that much coverage on the national news nor the political arena.

According to an article on npr.org, the drug resistant restrain has been noticeably apparent among gay and bisexual men, due to the high numbers of sexual partners and questionable sexual practices. It's cropped up in San Fransisco, Los Angeles, New York, even Boston. Sporadic cases were noticed six years ago, but now the number seems to be on a sharp incline. Across the country, a few men have died. Does any of this sound familiar?

It should. The problem is, it doesn't seem to be hitting home. I suggest reading And The Band Played On by Randy Shilts. This pattern seems to, terrifyingly, correlate directly tot the early days of the HIV/AIDS plauge that afflicted America most noticeably in the '80's. Then, as now, early cases were underreported and doctors' cries went unheeded. Unsafe sexual practices continued to rage on. Taking the fact that this new strain appears to be concentrated among the gay population, appears to be spread through sexual contact, and carries with it a risk of death, we are faced in the seemingly same predicament as we were some thirty odd years ago. My how soon we forget.

However, it should be noted that it's not the same. There are several factors that we have going for us. The first is that simple soap and water may prove to be the best way to inhibit the spread. The second is that we, as a community AND a country, have gone through something like this before. Wiser heads may prevail. Finally, we have something that the 1980's didn't have: the Internet. Already, the information is spreading in a wonderfully efficient way. We already know about the infection, and interested parties are probably already taking heed. Medical personnel can spread information more quickly, providing more efficient treatments. In short, we know that we can survive. Hopefully, though, we do more than just survive...we help those, gay, straight, bi or asexual for all I care, to relieve the pain and find a cure, or at least a treatment.

Please take some time to read this article, it's very informative: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18086925

Sincerely,
Your Spy