Out of the Closet, Into the Utility Room

Time: 21:26
Location: The Sticks

This is the week I come out to my parents. To be even more precise, this Thursday is the day I do it. I've been thinking a lot about my life as a gay man; it's funny, but I can't help but feel that I'm losing a part of me. I am losing the closeted gay man. What a lot of people don't get about closets is: they can be pretty comfortable. Many gay men live their lives in the kind of closets you see on MTV's Cribs. There is also an important disctinction to make between full disclosure, the closet, and the utility room. A person in the closet is in denial, even from himself or herself. A person who has fully disclosed their sexuality does not care who knows and does their best to make it public knowledge. The utility room is reserved for men like me. Men who share their sexuality with a close circle of friends or perhaps certain family members but doesn't wish to spread the knowledge to certain circles or peoples.

The utility room has been nice, but I suppose the time has come to explore the rest of the house. There's no denying that I'm nervous, maybe even scared. But this is the important thing to realize. I never, never, want to go back to being completelyh closeted. It seems like a waste to me, as though I have not been a whole person for most of my life. Maybe one day I will look back on this time and think the same thing. Ultimately, my line of thinking comes down to this: I am gay, it's not going to c hange, so I should alert my parents to this facet of my life. I can't lie or hold back the truth for ever. Part of loving someonse is being honest with them.

For now, I'll enjoy the quiet before the storm by sitting with my parents and watching the SEC show America why our football is different from your football....or so I'm told.

Sincerely,
Your Spy