Bet Your Bottom Dollar....

There's a stigma that men like me must overcome. And no, it's not being gay. In fact, this stigma comes, in part, from the gay community itself. It's the stigma of being a bottom.

I was with a group of my close friends talking about sex when the subject came up. Actually, it wasn't too long after I came out, so there seemed to be some general curiosity about my experience and preferences. "So Spy, you like to be in charge, right? Wink wink, nudge nudge." "Actually, I'm a bottom."

Then you get it: the reconsidering glances and outright stares. A bottom? No, couldn't be. It seems that to many in the Republic (and the Nation Of Queeria, I might add) being gay is just dandy. Having sex is great. Anal sex is OK, as long as you're giving it. But if you're on the receiving end, it becomes something of a no-no. The stigma here is that you're the bitch. Let's face it; I love being gay, but anal sex is pretty rough. I mean, it's our only option, true, but imagine taking something as thick as a beer can inside an opening smaller than your pinkie...it's tough.

So it follows that people wonder what kind of people would like being bottoms. In doing so, they draw up a kind of psychological model of the bottom, an attention-craving, subservient, feminine creature. Obviously, I'm going to the extreme end of the pool with my adjectives, but it still seems like people think along these lines.

I'm a bottom. I'm proud to say that. I like my man to pay attention to me, to want to be inside of me. But it isn't just about anal sex. I want someone to take care of me, to wrap their arms around me at night. Yes, I'm a bottom. But we can't all be tops. It's too much work.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

One Step Closer to My Vote

I admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Senator Obama. Maybe it's just the ears, but something puts me off about the guy. Still, ever since Giuliani dropped out he's gotten a little bit closer to getting my vote (I'm sure he's waiting on edge). This is the newest development on his stance with the GLBT population and he gets a big thumbs up from me. Read it after the jump.

I’m running for President to build an America that lives up to our founding promise of equality for all – a promise that extends to our gay brothers and sisters. It’s wrong to have millions of Americans living as second-class citizens in this nation. And I ask for your support in this election so that together we can bring about real change for all LGBT Americans. Equality is a moral imperative. That’s why throughout my career, I have fought to eliminate discrimination against LGBTAmericans. In Illinois, I co-sponsored a fully inclusive bill that prohibited discrimination on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity, extending protection to the workplace, housing, and places of public accommodation.

In the U.S. Senate, I have co-sponsored bills that would equalize tax treatment for same-sex couples and provide benefits to domestic partners of federal employees. And as president, I will place the weight of my administration behind the enactment of the Matthew Shepard Act to outlaw hate crimes and a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act to outlaw workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage.

Unlike Senator Clinton, I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) – a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate. While some say we should repeal only part of the law, I believe we should get rid of that statute altogether. Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does. I have also called for us to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and I have worked to improve the Uniting American Families Act so we can afford same-sex couples the same rights and obligations as married couples in our immigration system. The next president must also address the HIV/AIDS epidemic. When it comes to prevention, we do not have to choose between values and science. While abstinence education should be part of any strategy, we also need to use common sense. We should have age-appropriate sex education that includes information about contraception. We should pass the JUSTICE Act to combat infection within our prison population. And we should lift the federal ban on needle exchange, which could dramatically reduce rates of infection among drug users. In addition, local governments can protect public health by distributing contraceptives.

We also need a president who’s willing to confront the stigma – too often tied to homophobia – that continues to surround HIV/AIDS. I confronted this stigma directly in a speech to evangelicals at Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, and will continue to speak out as president. That is where I stand on the major issues of the day. But having the right positions on the issues is only half the battle. The other half is to win broad support for those positions. And winning broad support will require stepping outside our comfort zone. If we want to repeal DOMA, repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and implement fully inclusive laws outlawing hate crimes and discrimination in the workplace, we need to bring the message of LGBT equality to skeptical audiences as well as friendly ones – and that’s what I’ve done throughout my career. I brought this message of inclusiveness to all of America in my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic convention.

I talked about the need to fight homophobia when I announced my candidacy for President, and I have been talking about LGBT equality to a number of groups during this campaign – from local LGBT activists to rural farmers to parishioners at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, where Dr. Martin Luther King once preached. Just as important, I have been listening to what all Americans have to say. I will never compromise on my commitment to equal rights for all LGBTAmericans. But neither will I close my ears to the voices of those who still need to be convinced. That is the work we must do to move forward together. It is difficult. It is challenging. And it is necessary. Americans are yearning for leadership that can empower us to reach for what we know is possible. I believe that we can achieve the goal of full equality for the millions of LGBT people in this country. To do that, we need leadership that can appeal to the best parts of the human spirit. Join with me, and I will provide that leadership. Together, we will achieve real equality for all Americans, gay and straight alike.

Celebrity Candy: My Superhero

My favorite 'superhero' was ALWAYS Batman. Why? Because Batman was smart...he had to work for it. He was just an ordinary multi-billionaire with karate skills and a wise English butler, trying to make the world a better blace by wearing tights and using gadgets (if you got a bit of a dirty image out of that, you might see why I like him so much.

My favorite celebrity? Harder to pick, but this guy is definitely up there. Christian Bale. Hot. Hawt. HAWT. I think I just came a little, which is bad because I'm at work right now :P. But, anyway, he's also a great actor. With a great body. Great, great body. Perfect body, really.

Hmmmmmmmm.

And if that doesn't get you excited, this will. According IMDB.com, Bale is expected to perform in the movie Public Enemies, a film by Michael Mann (also directed Miami Vice) with...guess who? Johnny Depp and Channing Tatum. And, there I go again.....

Anyway, looking forward to that. It's also rumoured he's the lead role in the fourth Terminator movie. Not so sure about that, but if anyone can make me go to the theatre's to see that, he can.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What You Going to Do....

...what you going to do when the gay cops come for you?

This is the question that former television news anchor Alycia Lane faces. After downgrading her charge from felony to misdemeanor, a gay police officer organization has begun criticizing the judge and the court. The whole thing follows an alledged attack Lane made against an undercover cop (while uttering some choice homophobic remarks). You can read the article here, if you like.

My question is, what is this gay police officer organization and how do I sign up? I do love a man in uniform.

Fears in Fort Lauderdale

In Fort Lauderdale, police reported the beating of a gay man outside of an all-night diner last Saturday. The victim, Melbourne Brunner, was having a quick bite with his partner when a man verbally accosted the two. They tried to leave, but he followed them to the car and there phsyically assaulted Brunner. This only raises fears in Lauderdale, where barely a week ago 17-yr. old Simmie Williams, Jr. was killed in what is believed to be another hate crime.

The local gay organizations and activists are calling for increased police involvement and compassion in these crimes and is calling out the local mayor due to previous statements about the gay community. But here's my rub...these comments that Mayor Jim Naugle made (a YEAR ago, mind you) simply stated (according to this article) that he thought gays were promiscuous and unhappy. Well, I kind of have to agree with Mr. Naugle on the promiscuity note. As for unhappy, he has the right to his opinion. If that's all he said, I fail to see how that created a so-called atmosphere of gay hate. Also, remember that these coments were a year ago. I guess the perpetrators of these crimes needed twelve months to let the message sink in. I'm not trying attack the activists and concerned gay population, here. I guess I'm just saying: don't let the fear create more antagonism. Now is a time for the community to come together and stop these actions from continuing. Cooperate with the mayor instead of blaming him offhand, I suppose is what I'm trying to say.

And, of course, remember the young man whose life was lost, and the other whose life was forever changed. Mourn, and let their lives touch yours.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Support Gay Marriage....

...by signing the HRC's Million for Marriage petition, located here

Finding Mecca

This Saturday the Anthropology Department at my university is sponsoring a field trip to Houston, TX in order to see the Lucy exhibit at the museum. For those of you who don't know, Lucy is kind of a big deal to anthropologists. She's the skeleton of an early hominid, Australopithecus afarensis, one of the earliest ancestors of Homo sapiens. What's so remarkable about Lucy is that, while only about 40% of the skeleton was recovered, that 40% encompasses all of the primary body parts (i.e. there's an arm and a leg and a foot and a skull). So, Lucy is able to tell us an extraordinary amount, like the fact that she is about as tall as a kindergartener or the fact that she was bipedal (walked on two legs...VERY important to evolutionary biology).

Whether I'm going or not is still up in the air (although it unfortunately looks like I'm going to miss out), but what's so funny is nearly ALL the anthropology students are going. Seeing Lucy is a big deal to us; it's kind of like being able to talk to Adam Smith if you're an economist or smoke crack with Freud if you're a psychologist. Lucy is one of the cornerstones of our study of prehistory. For many of the students, she's a kind of Mecca.

The hardcore anthropologists have Lucy. The gay population has San Fransisco. Catholics have Vatican City, Jews have Israel, Muslims have...Mecca. But as I sit here, typing, it occurs to me that I don't really have a Mecca. I don't have some place that's so important to me that I have to see it before I die. I'm not too terribly concerned about seeing Lucy. I've been to San Fransisco and although admittedly I wasn't out yet I still the thought the city was ok. Just ok. It didn't inspire a religious-esque awakening or anything. Neither does Lucy. Or the Vatican City, New York, Israel, London, Cancun, or the People's Republic of China. I have nowehere that I want to go.

It feels to me like I'm still trying to find my Mecca, the place I want to go to, to be in. And maybe I even know what my Mecca is: a relationship with a guy that I can say "I love you" to, a man that I could fall asleep with every night with his arm wrapped around me. Cue the corny music, I know, but it is what it is. My Mecca is a happy, fruitful relationship, and I can't find it anywhere. How long do I have to journey before I reach my destination?

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

I've Heard of Earth-Shattering Sex.....

...but this is ridiculous. This guy, Shas MK Shlomo Benizri, says that recent earthquakes in Israel are the fault of the gay population. Since laws prohibiting homosexual behavior have been a little lax, God is punishing Israel by sending earthquakes. I dunno, it's a little flattering that God pays so much attention to us, if you ask me.

Read the article here.

P.S. He's a handsome devil, too, isn't he?

R.I.P., Lawrence King

If you haven't heard or read about this yet, Lawrence King was a student in a California high school who was killed by a fellow classmate, reportedly because of his sexual orientation. Lawrence was open about his sexuality and, according to some classmates, walked into school with makeup and feminie jewelry. His family,
especially, is in my prayers, as are all of his friends and loved ones. With all the inevitable media coverage of this tragedy, I think it's easy to lose sight of the person who's life ended so abruptly. Just remember, as you read news articles about gay community's involvement or the response from the political sector, you remember Lawrence King and honor his life by observing his death. May you rest in peace, Lawrence.

With love,
Your Spy

Senegalese Nightmare

I read this article off the Google Gayfeed last night. In the West African country of Senegal, there have been riots over the publication of photos from a gay wedding in a magazine. In this strongly Islamic country, homosexuality is illegal. The published photos have spurned arrests, riots by anti-homosexuals, and the sudden attention of the entire world. The article is pretty cut and dry, no different from accounts of civil disobediance and strife in our own country. But my fingers were trembling as I scrolled down the page, and my heart was beating faster as my instincts jump-started the old fight-or-flight response. It scared me. I can't even remember the last time I got that scared over something as plain as a newspaper article.

I think the fear really hit in when a man was quoted as saying: "Homosexuals are not welcome in our country. They're not tolerated in Senegal." Around him, the protesters chanted "Allahu Akbar" (God is Greatest). I can't explain, but as I read those words I could see this man in my mind's eye: a dark-skinned man, his face held in tension as he screamed at the police, and his eyes filled with such anger that the blood vessels had begun to stand out, giving him a red-eyed impression.

That night, I had a nightmare. See, I have some next-door neighbors in my apartment complex who are "Christian soldiers". This is a direct quote; this is what they call themselves. I once overheard them outside my front door, referring to themselves as such and talking about a brother who had strayed away. At the time, I thought it was funny, ironic even. But last night, I dreamed that one of them was knocking on my door, and when I answered he grabbed me by the shoulders roughly and called me a faggot, saying that I would not be tolerated in our apartment complex.

Just a dream, but it was strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night with an aching feeling in my shoulders. I think this kind of fear, this fear that the majority will come one day in the night to take us away, sits at the emotional core of every minority member. Beneath all the derision of frat boy fashion, all the anger at George Bush's gay marriage ban, and all the suffering that those in the closet undergo is this very palpable fear, this realization of weakness. We see the vast majority of those against us and think to ourselves that any action is undeniably futile, that we will be overwhelmed.

I guess we just have to fight through it. Find someone to care for us, someone to take care of, and make the best of what life or God or, yes, even Allah has given us.
Accept the fear and try to rise above it. And hope that one day we'll wake up and the nightmare will be over.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Happy Valentine's Day

Everyone hates Valentine's Day so much. I'm kind of indifferent, but a holiday's a holiday. So I have a gift for all of ya'll.

If you're lonely this Valentine's Day, take a page from jd2004dc:\



If you're in a boring, lackluster relationship, try being like these guys:



And, finally, if you're in a relationship with TOO much drama, try laughing it out with everyone's favorite homosexual machine:



Wishing you a happy V-Day (for whatever it's worth),
Your Spy

Good News....

I'm off the Dave Drug. And the good news is, this time, it may very well be for real.

I won't deny that if I'd ever get the chance I'd sleep with him in a heartbeat. I mean, he's still attractive and, more importantly, he has that voice. But now I don't feel bad about feeling rejected by him. Now I don't feel uncomfortable being around him, talking to him, joking with him. I don't want to hold off on other relationships just in case something between us might work out. You may ask, how could this be so? I'll tell you.

Dave is an asshole.

Four lovely little words release me from my awkward obligation. Dave is an asshole. And this isn't me at all. This is a third-party. This is his friend telling me this. This is objectivity. Dave is an asshole. He has an older, richer man, out of college, from out of town who buys him things. Yes, Dave has a sugardaddy. Dave hooks up with random people on Bourbon Street. Dave is narcissistic. I am not the first that he's led along. All according to his roommate, his friend. I'm telling you, I should have gotten this guy's screenname sooner.

Wow. I mean, I didn't think it would be this easy. I get crushes like a prostitute gets STDs, and generally it's a tapering off of emotion that signifies the end. But this? Bam, I'm done. I admit that I'm a little suspicious of it, but then again, it's nice to have this feeling. Now that it's on the table, I'm actually talking with a new boy...let us all offer a quick prayer that it's not another Jason and not another Dave. I'm tired of all these emotional things. A spy just wants to have fun.

Thanks for listening. It's nice to give good news every once in a while.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Celebrity Candy: The Only Senior Citizen I'd Sleep With

Ian McKellen. Yes, I'd do him. I'd do him faster than you can say "liver spots". He's a legend, for Christ sakes. Plus, you know he has tons of experience. Old people still have so much to teach us.

What's In a Name?

GLBT. You see this acronym often; it stands for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual. It refers to the community of people that we homosexuals identify ourselves with. In short, it is the community of sexual "deviants", we who flow against the norm in our choice of sexual partner or sexual identification. But maybe you haven't seen this acroonym that often. Maybe you've seen LGBT. Or maybe LBGT. Or, my personally favorite, GLBTQ (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, queer...just in case we left anything out).

What's in a name? Maybe not much, but it would be kinda nice if we could at least have a set name to start off with. You may ask: why the change in letter arrangement? Well, generally, if it's a gay man writing an article or piece, it's referred to as GLBT. If it's a lesbian, it's LGBT. Maybe someone who hasn't decided writes GLBTQ. Now you may ask: why does it matter? Sure, the chosen acronym reflects the writer and, maybe, his or her subconscious priority list, but big deal. Really, there are more important things to worry about than to raise a fuss over the proper name for the gay community.

The acronym's variability isn't a problem; it's a symptom of a much bigger problem. As a community, we all agree that it would be kind of nice to be given the same rights as our fellow straight countrymen and, in general, just be left to our own devices the same as any other red-blooded American. But our personal civil rights movements has had its up and downs, one reason because of a lack of support within our own community.

The Nation of Queeria has a weak collective conscience. What that means is, we all don't think the same way, share the same values, behave in the same pattern. We are a hodgepodge of different people, spanning multiple races and ethnicities and backgrounds. We share a common enemy, true, but our enemy really isn't so much an evil dictator as it is a parent that doesn't understand. We may be queer, and we may be here, but we're not all on board. We were raised in different ways, we are of different political parties (yes, as amazing as it sounds not all gay people are Democrats). We're not all for one, nor one for all. So it's no wonder that it seems like our movement takes two steps forward and one step back. It can't be easy with the inherent divisiveness of our community tugging at our backs.

So we stand, not necessarily divided, but not necessarily united either. As my good friend Delbert McClinton might stay, we're standing on shaky ground. So throw me a life preserver, 'cause I'm about to drown in my own tears.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Funnies

This is pretty hilarious...I have to hand it to Colbert. This is a two-part interview, the beginning of "Better Know A Lobbyist". He sits down with a prominent gay lobbyist for a chat. Let's watch.

Part One:



Part Two:

The Faggot FAQ

It's pretty much unavoidable: all homosexual people at one time either were confused about their sexual orientation or were forced to pretend to be heterosexual or both. The question that is generally asked is "why?"; however, it's a lot easier to answer the question "how?" first. Maybe we ("we" being society, the media, and the government as a whole) are jumping the gun when we debate whether homosexuality is a genetic trait or a cultural one, whether it is possible to not be gay or if it's a sealed fate. I'm a fan of the scientific method, myself, and it seems like the scientific thing to do here is to start with the basics and work your way to the "why". "Why", after all, is only a function of what, where, when, and how.

WHAT is a homosexual? A homosexual is any person who is attracted, physically AND mentally, to a person of the same gender. WHERE does homosexuality occur? Whether hormonal or genetic or cultural, homosexuality can logically be concluded to occur within the brain. Where in the brain is still up for debate. On the level of society as a whole, homosexuality occurs within about 6% of any given population, according to most statistics. This percentage occurs across race, ethinicites, and geography. WHEN does homosexuality occur? Once again, most studies have concluded that homosexuality is decided since the onset of birth; a five-year old boy is gay, even if he hasn't exhibited it yet.

Which leads us, oh so conventiently, to the HOW. HOW are we homosexual? We are homosexual by being attracted to the same gender and by having sexual intercourse with any person of the same gender. When you cut it dry, homosexuality is pretty dull. The WHY can simply be answered like this: homosexuality is a result of the variation across the human genome, inevitably resulting in a statistical portion of the population to be attracted to members of the same gender.

No political grassroots movement here. No discrimination. No repression. See, there's a difference between being homosexual and being gay. Homosexuality is biological, statistically inevitable. Gay is cultural. Gay is political. Gay, queer, GLBT, that's just another group, another subsection of society. So, tonight, before I go back to reading articles and studying for tests, I ask my fellow members of Queeria a question: are you gay? or are you just homosexual?

Sincerely,
Your Spy

The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming!

So this is pretty funny, in a dark humorish sort of way. The American Family Association (AFA), a conservative group based in Mississippi, are calling on residents of the town of Eureka, Arkansas, to recognize the invasion of the queer population into their community.

That's right, folks, we're invading. Robert Knight, an anti-gay researcher, hit the nail on the head: "I can't help but think they get a special delight in taking over a place that has been known for its Christianity." You got us. Actually, we had invasion plans ready so as to take Rome by storm, but I guess the jig is up. Actually it's a little known fact, but San Francisco was once the epicenter for the California Christian Association of Conservative Christians. Never heard of them? That's because we invaded their asses...literally. Ouch.

Quick aside here: what exactly is "anti-gay", anyway? If he's an anti-gay researcher, that means he's studying the opposite of homosexuality. Which must mean he's studying...heterosexuality. So, he researches straight people. So why is he quoted in the article? What's a straightologist have to do with anything?

Full article here. Special thanks to the Dallas Voice for reporting.

Could It Be?

This is kind of cute. Apparently, Colin Farrell is going to be the best man at his gay brother's big, fat gay wedding. He helped pick out the ring and everything! He's even paying for the wedding or the bar tab or something. Take this news with a healthy tablespoon of salt, though...the source is the National Enquirer. Who knows, though, maybe they've hit this one on the head. And maybe Cow Boy really is in Wisconsin trying to get restaurants to boycott cheese. You never know.

Celebrity Candy: Spunky Marky

Young Mark Wahlberg. Is there anything more...uplifting???

Oh, I'm just too much. But seriously, this guy is great, even though he's a bit older now...I have a feeling he's still hiding a little something something underneath those clothes. Plus, he was an underwear model, so you know he's confident with himself. Plus, he's producing ALL the good shows on HBO (Entourage and In Treatment, and two out of two ain't bad). Plus, he's hot. Plus, he's tough. I would think he would have the whole rough sex thing down pat....hmmmmmmmmm....

Here's a more recent pic. C'mon Mark. I can take all the spunk you got. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Gay Function

Function is the key word of the week. Saturday I went on a bus trip to the fabulous New Orleans for the fabulous Mardi Gras. Sunday I rested (me and God got that in common). And, on Monday, I had to function again. Job interview, shopping for new clothes for new job, reading sociology articles on crime for a quiz this thursday, and reading the book Guilty by Reason of Insanity for my class on serial crime. Fun reading, let me tell you.

But functioning means a little more for me this week besides dragging my butt through the mall and arguing with the Express sales clerk. To sociologists, function represents an entire school of though. According to the funcionalist theories, every group or faction or social bond has a specific function to society. If it did not have a purpose, it would not exist. Even crime has a function; the deviant behavior of others serves to show us what is considered normal and proper and what isn't.

So, a functionalist believes that every social group has a purpose. Which leads me to think about the gay population. I've been reading a LOT of scholarly articles and not a one has mentioned the function of the gay population. But that's okay, that's what I'm here for.

There's one, admittedly bleak, way of looking at it. The gay population is considered a deviant population. Before you get your thongs in a twist, you should know that the word deviant just means against the norm; to a sociologist, it does not imply "good" or "bad" behavior, just contrary behavior. An estimated 6% of the population is gay, i.e. a minority. We go against the grain; we deviate from the norm. So, we're a deviant population. Which means that our deviance serves to show the community what's normal and what isn't.

I know...it isn't exactly a ray of sunshine. I mean, crime is considered in much of the same way. This explanation pretty much puts that femme fagale or butchy lesbian on the same level as a burgalar or car thief or, dare I say it, rapist or murderer. Not exactly a great category to be in. So, being force-fed this explanation like a baby being spooned mushed peas leads to the obsessive search for something with a bit better public appeal. What is our function in society? Besides the designer clothes, the ripped bodies, the Broadway shows, the exotic floral designs or that fabulous set of curtains that you just can't believe your gay friend got at the flea market, what do we have to offer?

I think the answer is in the word. Homosexual. Sexual. What makes us different from the other 94%, what makes us deviant, is how we live our sex lives. We pair up, make love, fuck with the same gender. But that's it. Other than that, we're pretty much the same. Of course, there's the typical stereotypical gay man or lesbian, but I've seen lots of straight folks dancing and exercising and arranging flowers over the years. You see those stereotypes because you've been taught to see that behavior or pattern as homosexual. You forget that there are spies among you. That the man in the tie and suit in the elevator with you on your way up to the office said goodbye to his boyfriend that morning. Or that the women in front of you at the grocery store is buying the ingredients to bake a cake for her life partner's birthday. We're only different from you in that one regard: who we love.

And what more deviant behavior is there than love?

Sincerely,
Your Spy