There's a stigma that men like me must overcome. And no, it's not being gay. In fact, this stigma comes, in part, from the gay community itself. It's the stigma of being a bottom.
I was with a group of my close friends talking about sex when the subject came up. Actually, it wasn't too long after I came out, so there seemed to be some general curiosity about my experience and preferences. "So Spy, you like to be in charge, right? Wink wink, nudge nudge." "Actually, I'm a bottom."
Then you get it: the reconsidering glances and outright stares. A bottom? No, couldn't be. It seems that to many in the Republic (and the Nation Of Queeria, I might add) being gay is just dandy. Having sex is great. Anal sex is OK, as long as you're giving it. But if you're on the receiving end, it becomes something of a no-no. The stigma here is that you're the bitch. Let's face it; I love being gay, but anal sex is pretty rough. I mean, it's our only option, true, but imagine taking something as thick as a beer can inside an opening smaller than your pinkie...it's tough.
So it follows that people wonder what kind of people would like being bottoms. In doing so, they draw up a kind of psychological model of the bottom, an attention-craving, subservient, feminine creature. Obviously, I'm going to the extreme end of the pool with my adjectives, but it still seems like people think along these lines.
I'm a bottom. I'm proud to say that. I like my man to pay attention to me, to want to be inside of me. But it isn't just about anal sex. I want someone to take care of me, to wrap their arms around me at night. Yes, I'm a bottom. But we can't all be tops. It's too much work.
Sincerely,
Your Spy
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