Senegalese Nightmare

I read this article off the Google Gayfeed last night. In the West African country of Senegal, there have been riots over the publication of photos from a gay wedding in a magazine. In this strongly Islamic country, homosexuality is illegal. The published photos have spurned arrests, riots by anti-homosexuals, and the sudden attention of the entire world. The article is pretty cut and dry, no different from accounts of civil disobediance and strife in our own country. But my fingers were trembling as I scrolled down the page, and my heart was beating faster as my instincts jump-started the old fight-or-flight response. It scared me. I can't even remember the last time I got that scared over something as plain as a newspaper article.

I think the fear really hit in when a man was quoted as saying: "Homosexuals are not welcome in our country. They're not tolerated in Senegal." Around him, the protesters chanted "Allahu Akbar" (God is Greatest). I can't explain, but as I read those words I could see this man in my mind's eye: a dark-skinned man, his face held in tension as he screamed at the police, and his eyes filled with such anger that the blood vessels had begun to stand out, giving him a red-eyed impression.

That night, I had a nightmare. See, I have some next-door neighbors in my apartment complex who are "Christian soldiers". This is a direct quote; this is what they call themselves. I once overheard them outside my front door, referring to themselves as such and talking about a brother who had strayed away. At the time, I thought it was funny, ironic even. But last night, I dreamed that one of them was knocking on my door, and when I answered he grabbed me by the shoulders roughly and called me a faggot, saying that I would not be tolerated in our apartment complex.

Just a dream, but it was strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night with an aching feeling in my shoulders. I think this kind of fear, this fear that the majority will come one day in the night to take us away, sits at the emotional core of every minority member. Beneath all the derision of frat boy fashion, all the anger at George Bush's gay marriage ban, and all the suffering that those in the closet undergo is this very palpable fear, this realization of weakness. We see the vast majority of those against us and think to ourselves that any action is undeniably futile, that we will be overwhelmed.

I guess we just have to fight through it. Find someone to care for us, someone to take care of, and make the best of what life or God or, yes, even Allah has given us.
Accept the fear and try to rise above it. And hope that one day we'll wake up and the nightmare will be over.

Sincerely,
Your Spy