What's In a Name?

GLBT. You see this acronym often; it stands for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual. It refers to the community of people that we homosexuals identify ourselves with. In short, it is the community of sexual "deviants", we who flow against the norm in our choice of sexual partner or sexual identification. But maybe you haven't seen this acroonym that often. Maybe you've seen LGBT. Or maybe LBGT. Or, my personally favorite, GLBTQ (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, queer...just in case we left anything out).

What's in a name? Maybe not much, but it would be kinda nice if we could at least have a set name to start off with. You may ask: why the change in letter arrangement? Well, generally, if it's a gay man writing an article or piece, it's referred to as GLBT. If it's a lesbian, it's LGBT. Maybe someone who hasn't decided writes GLBTQ. Now you may ask: why does it matter? Sure, the chosen acronym reflects the writer and, maybe, his or her subconscious priority list, but big deal. Really, there are more important things to worry about than to raise a fuss over the proper name for the gay community.

The acronym's variability isn't a problem; it's a symptom of a much bigger problem. As a community, we all agree that it would be kind of nice to be given the same rights as our fellow straight countrymen and, in general, just be left to our own devices the same as any other red-blooded American. But our personal civil rights movements has had its up and downs, one reason because of a lack of support within our own community.

The Nation of Queeria has a weak collective conscience. What that means is, we all don't think the same way, share the same values, behave in the same pattern. We are a hodgepodge of different people, spanning multiple races and ethnicities and backgrounds. We share a common enemy, true, but our enemy really isn't so much an evil dictator as it is a parent that doesn't understand. We may be queer, and we may be here, but we're not all on board. We were raised in different ways, we are of different political parties (yes, as amazing as it sounds not all gay people are Democrats). We're not all for one, nor one for all. So it's no wonder that it seems like our movement takes two steps forward and one step back. It can't be easy with the inherent divisiveness of our community tugging at our backs.

So we stand, not necessarily divided, but not necessarily united either. As my good friend Delbert McClinton might stay, we're standing on shaky ground. So throw me a life preserver, 'cause I'm about to drown in my own tears.

Sincerely,
Your Spy

Funnies

This is pretty hilarious...I have to hand it to Colbert. This is a two-part interview, the beginning of "Better Know A Lobbyist". He sits down with a prominent gay lobbyist for a chat. Let's watch.

Part One:



Part Two:

The Faggot FAQ

It's pretty much unavoidable: all homosexual people at one time either were confused about their sexual orientation or were forced to pretend to be heterosexual or both. The question that is generally asked is "why?"; however, it's a lot easier to answer the question "how?" first. Maybe we ("we" being society, the media, and the government as a whole) are jumping the gun when we debate whether homosexuality is a genetic trait or a cultural one, whether it is possible to not be gay or if it's a sealed fate. I'm a fan of the scientific method, myself, and it seems like the scientific thing to do here is to start with the basics and work your way to the "why". "Why", after all, is only a function of what, where, when, and how.

WHAT is a homosexual? A homosexual is any person who is attracted, physically AND mentally, to a person of the same gender. WHERE does homosexuality occur? Whether hormonal or genetic or cultural, homosexuality can logically be concluded to occur within the brain. Where in the brain is still up for debate. On the level of society as a whole, homosexuality occurs within about 6% of any given population, according to most statistics. This percentage occurs across race, ethinicites, and geography. WHEN does homosexuality occur? Once again, most studies have concluded that homosexuality is decided since the onset of birth; a five-year old boy is gay, even if he hasn't exhibited it yet.

Which leads us, oh so conventiently, to the HOW. HOW are we homosexual? We are homosexual by being attracted to the same gender and by having sexual intercourse with any person of the same gender. When you cut it dry, homosexuality is pretty dull. The WHY can simply be answered like this: homosexuality is a result of the variation across the human genome, inevitably resulting in a statistical portion of the population to be attracted to members of the same gender.

No political grassroots movement here. No discrimination. No repression. See, there's a difference between being homosexual and being gay. Homosexuality is biological, statistically inevitable. Gay is cultural. Gay is political. Gay, queer, GLBT, that's just another group, another subsection of society. So, tonight, before I go back to reading articles and studying for tests, I ask my fellow members of Queeria a question: are you gay? or are you just homosexual?

Sincerely,
Your Spy

The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming!

So this is pretty funny, in a dark humorish sort of way. The American Family Association (AFA), a conservative group based in Mississippi, are calling on residents of the town of Eureka, Arkansas, to recognize the invasion of the queer population into their community.

That's right, folks, we're invading. Robert Knight, an anti-gay researcher, hit the nail on the head: "I can't help but think they get a special delight in taking over a place that has been known for its Christianity." You got us. Actually, we had invasion plans ready so as to take Rome by storm, but I guess the jig is up. Actually it's a little known fact, but San Francisco was once the epicenter for the California Christian Association of Conservative Christians. Never heard of them? That's because we invaded their asses...literally. Ouch.

Quick aside here: what exactly is "anti-gay", anyway? If he's an anti-gay researcher, that means he's studying the opposite of homosexuality. Which must mean he's studying...heterosexuality. So, he researches straight people. So why is he quoted in the article? What's a straightologist have to do with anything?

Full article here. Special thanks to the Dallas Voice for reporting.

Could It Be?

This is kind of cute. Apparently, Colin Farrell is going to be the best man at his gay brother's big, fat gay wedding. He helped pick out the ring and everything! He's even paying for the wedding or the bar tab or something. Take this news with a healthy tablespoon of salt, though...the source is the National Enquirer. Who knows, though, maybe they've hit this one on the head. And maybe Cow Boy really is in Wisconsin trying to get restaurants to boycott cheese. You never know.

Celebrity Candy: Spunky Marky

Young Mark Wahlberg. Is there anything more...uplifting???

Oh, I'm just too much. But seriously, this guy is great, even though he's a bit older now...I have a feeling he's still hiding a little something something underneath those clothes. Plus, he was an underwear model, so you know he's confident with himself. Plus, he's producing ALL the good shows on HBO (Entourage and In Treatment, and two out of two ain't bad). Plus, he's hot. Plus, he's tough. I would think he would have the whole rough sex thing down pat....hmmmmmmmmm....

Here's a more recent pic. C'mon Mark. I can take all the spunk you got. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Gay Function

Function is the key word of the week. Saturday I went on a bus trip to the fabulous New Orleans for the fabulous Mardi Gras. Sunday I rested (me and God got that in common). And, on Monday, I had to function again. Job interview, shopping for new clothes for new job, reading sociology articles on crime for a quiz this thursday, and reading the book Guilty by Reason of Insanity for my class on serial crime. Fun reading, let me tell you.

But functioning means a little more for me this week besides dragging my butt through the mall and arguing with the Express sales clerk. To sociologists, function represents an entire school of though. According to the funcionalist theories, every group or faction or social bond has a specific function to society. If it did not have a purpose, it would not exist. Even crime has a function; the deviant behavior of others serves to show us what is considered normal and proper and what isn't.

So, a functionalist believes that every social group has a purpose. Which leads me to think about the gay population. I've been reading a LOT of scholarly articles and not a one has mentioned the function of the gay population. But that's okay, that's what I'm here for.

There's one, admittedly bleak, way of looking at it. The gay population is considered a deviant population. Before you get your thongs in a twist, you should know that the word deviant just means against the norm; to a sociologist, it does not imply "good" or "bad" behavior, just contrary behavior. An estimated 6% of the population is gay, i.e. a minority. We go against the grain; we deviate from the norm. So, we're a deviant population. Which means that our deviance serves to show the community what's normal and what isn't.

I know...it isn't exactly a ray of sunshine. I mean, crime is considered in much of the same way. This explanation pretty much puts that femme fagale or butchy lesbian on the same level as a burgalar or car thief or, dare I say it, rapist or murderer. Not exactly a great category to be in. So, being force-fed this explanation like a baby being spooned mushed peas leads to the obsessive search for something with a bit better public appeal. What is our function in society? Besides the designer clothes, the ripped bodies, the Broadway shows, the exotic floral designs or that fabulous set of curtains that you just can't believe your gay friend got at the flea market, what do we have to offer?

I think the answer is in the word. Homosexual. Sexual. What makes us different from the other 94%, what makes us deviant, is how we live our sex lives. We pair up, make love, fuck with the same gender. But that's it. Other than that, we're pretty much the same. Of course, there's the typical stereotypical gay man or lesbian, but I've seen lots of straight folks dancing and exercising and arranging flowers over the years. You see those stereotypes because you've been taught to see that behavior or pattern as homosexual. You forget that there are spies among you. That the man in the tie and suit in the elevator with you on your way up to the office said goodbye to his boyfriend that morning. Or that the women in front of you at the grocery store is buying the ingredients to bake a cake for her life partner's birthday. We're only different from you in that one regard: who we love.

And what more deviant behavior is there than love?

Sincerely,
Your Spy