Political Structures

Report:

The Republic of Heterosexuality is a true republic in the fact that its citizens choose representatives of their sexuality in order to lead their nation. For example, The Female Party's representatives range from Martha Stewart to Oprah to Audrey Hepburn and, yes, even Hillary Clinton. The representatives, in short, represent a certain aspect of their femininity, be it the motherly charm of Mrs. Cleaver or the savvy satire of Carrie Bradshaw. Likewise, the Male Party has its representatives: George Clooney, John Wayne, Bruce Lee, Ronald Reagan, Napoleon. In short, any man that represents the three ideals of men: the ability to attract women, the ability to kick ass, and the charisma needed to lead other ass-kicking, women-attracting men.

In contrast, the Nation of Queeria is a true democracy: a free-for-all where every voice clamors for attention. Perhaps it's because of our time spent in the closet, but the need to assert individuality leads to a general discordance and overall bitchiness in most dialogue. The people of Queeria don't like to follow; they've were once enslaved to the concepts and attitudes of the Republic and do not relinquish that freedom easily. Yes, the Nation of Queeria is an entire nation of immigrants...similar to the history of colonial America, ironically. Outcasts who survive using ingenuity and a certain fearlessness and each other. Perhaps that is the only thing that keeps our nation together: a need for our neighbors against the much larger, better resourced Republic against whom we constantly struggle.

So, you have a large nation of followers, a small nation of independent thinkers, and an ongoing separation between the two. Of course, our talk of politics will eventually lead to the idea of war between the two nations, but take heart. Their uprising is our revolution. Funny, to think how hard those in colonial America fought for our nation's freedom, and how hard we fight for ours. Whose nation is more patriotic: the one with all the Congress seats, or the underdog who doesn't quit struggling?

Sincerely,
Your Spy